Memories
by NightmareFairy
Summary: Roxascentric songfic focusing around his relationship with Axel. Romangst with a somewhat happy ending. Song: Memories by Within Tempation. Akuroku with some RikuSora. Cannon-ish.


**Title**

Songfic

**Disclaim-uh!:** If I owned it, it probably wouldn't be legal. And Disney wouldn't allow its characters to be associated with it.

**Dedication:** Emma H. You annoy the crap outta me sometimes and I wish you would go to your own house after school instead of coming over to mine, but I did convince you of the fact that RikuSora is cannon. So there.

**Starting Note:** This is a Roxas centric fic, based around his relationship with Axel. It's not in chronological order so that it fits the song. RikuSora also makes an appearance. The song is Memories by Within Temptation.

* * *

_In this world you tried/Not leaving me alone behind/_

"Hey Roxas! That's your name, right?" A tall redhead stuck his head into a plain room that didn't really exist. The blond on the bed looked up.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"You're the newest member, so you get to come with me on a mission!" The redhead smiled mischievously. Dark tattoos pointed down his cheeks. "I'm Axel," he supplied, "As number VIII, I am your superior. You're going on a simple mission with me right now to keep the Superior from assigning you to something worse. Got it memorized?" Roxas got up and Axel dragged him into a portal of darkness. A new friendship was born.

_- - -_

_There's no other way/_

The empty city loomed around the two cloaked figures. "Roxas, you don't have to go! Stay here!" his voice trailed off as he added, "With me." The shorter nobody stared at the ground, not even showing if he had heard that little tacked-on phrase.

"Axel . . . " he looked up and quickly faced away again. "I'm sorry," he whispered. Blue eyes closed as he walked away.

- - -

_I'll pray to the gods: let him stay/_

"This is just something I have to do." Roxas stared defiantly at Axel.

"I understand." The redhead's voice was thick with emotions he didn't, he shouldn't feel. "You have a somebody out there who needs you. I know you'll find him." He looked off to the side.

"Don't come after me. Please." Axel continued to look away. "Promise me!" Roxas grabbed Axel's arms and spun so they faced each other.

"Okay." Axel's eyes were full of tears that shouldn't have been there.

_- - -_

_The memories ease the pain inside/Now I know why/ All my memories keep you near/_

Axel faded back into the darkness and Roxas could only watch through eyes that were not his. He had no control over the situation. All the things he should have done, all the things he wanted to say, flashed through the part of Sora that he inhabited. Sora, of course, knew nothing about all of this. All Sora knew was that he felt sadder than he should have at the death of this complete stranger.

- - -

_In silent moments/Imagine you'd be here/_

Sora awoke in a cold sweat, yet another dream about Axel fresh in his mind. Almost like a memory he didn't remember making. Riku rolled over in the bed, pulling the sheets closer to his sleeping form, covering himself more fully. The brunet laid back down and curled up next to his love, completely forgetting about the dream-memory.

- - -

_All my memories keep you near/Your silent whispers, silent tears/_

Roxas had no control over Sora whatsoever. All he could do was experience what Sora was experiencing. As this did not appeal to him, he usually remembered what his time as a separate being was like. Over and over an image of Axel replayed for Roxas. Green eyes bright with fake emotions. Laughing at something. Whispering in the dark while on a mission. Full of tears right after he found out that Roxas was leaving. The memories make Roxas feel almost okay again.

_- - -_

_Made me promise I'd try/To find my way back in this life/_

Every night when Sora relaxed control of his body as he fell asleep, Roxas forced his way forward as far as he could. And every night he made it just a little bit farther. Finally he took complete control, while Sora's mind was still unconscious. He made Sora's body climb out the window and onto the roof. He just sat there and watched the sun rise, like he used to do with Axel. Roxas and Axel liked the sunrise more than the sunset because it symbolized returning from the darkness, rather than returning to it. After a few moments of the beautiful sight, he forced Sora's mouth the speak the words he wished he had said before. "Axel . . . I promise to find you. I... I love you."

- - -

_I hope there is a way/To give me a sign you're okay/_

Sora, Riku, Kairi, and many of the other island teenagers were all gathered around a huge end of summer bonfire. The flaries were spiraling in the lazy breeze. A single twig flew free of the blaze and flew off in a flurry. "Hey look!" someone cried, "It's like it's dancing!" Roxas could only think: _Flurry of Dancing Flames_. Sora got up to put it out before the wayward twig lite anything on fire. As he approached it, he couldn't help but notice the arrow-shaped burn mark it left on the page of a magazine, pointing straight between the tires of a car photo. Pointing right at the axle.

- - -

_Remind me again it's worth it all/So I can go home/_

A warm hand clasped around his own. A watery smile. "I mean," Roxas continued, "Isn't that the point? To get our hearts back?"Axel didn't reply for a while.

"Yeah. Just do what you have to do." Axel let go and walked down the empty hall, shoulders shaking with sobs he thought Roxas wouldn't notice. He didn't look back, even as he opened a portal and stepped through it.

- - -

_All my memories keep you near/In silent moments/_

Sora was zoning out in school. Roxas was taking advantage of the momentary relief from the constant distraction of Sora's attention to lull himself into a sleep-like state. How he wished Axel was there to distract him, like Riku did for Sora.

- - -

_Imagine you'd be here/_

Roxas's mind was filled with "what-ifs." What if he had said this to Axel? What if he had done this instead of that? When Sora did certain things with Riku, it tortured Roxas's poor mind even more. What if he and Axel had gone as far and Sora and Riku? What if Axel had touched him like that? What if? _What if . . . . _

- - -

_All my memories keep you near/Your silent whispers, silent tears/_

Thanks to Sora's heart, Roxas could actually feel. But what good was it? He didn't have anyone to share the feelings with. Now that he could feel, the loss of Axel was a thousand times worse.

_- - -_

_Together in all these memories/I see your smile/_

The mission had gone well. After stumbling through a portal of darkness into the Kitchen of Unreality, Axel's wild grin hadn't faded at all. He was laughing like a madman and leaning heavily against a smirking Roxas. The blond said, "I hope all our missions go that well," while stepping away from the man laughing like a maniac. Axel couldn't reply; he was still laughing too hard to breathe. Demyx promptly dumped a bucket of ice water over Axel's head. Roxas cracked up at the steam rising up from Number VIII's soaking hair.

- - -

_All these memories I hold dear/_

Roxas had nothing left. Everything was now controlled by Sora. Not even his appearance was his. The only thing he had for himself were his memories. He wanted to cry but he didn't have eyes anymore.

- - -

_Darling, you know I'll love you/Til the end of time/_

Roxas knew now, beyond all doubt. He loved Axel. And there was nothing he could do. His life was no longer his. His only and most fervent wish was to tell Axel how he felt, now that he could actually feel. But it would never happen. He could hardly stand being trapped like this, without even suicide as an option. He didn't even have a body.

- - -

_All my memories keep you near/_

The worst part was Riku. Roxas felt awful when Riku and Sora talked. Riku loved Sora. It had moved past the crush stage a long time ago. And Sora loved him back. But they were both too afraid to make a move. Roxas didn't even like Riku, but he still felt sorry for him. He didn't want them to go through what he went through with Axel. It couldn't end like that for them.

- - -

_In silent moments/Imagine you'd be here/_

Sora and Riku were kissing on the beach, mere moments after confessing to each other. Sora was overcome with sadness out of nowhere. He pulled back from Riku and a single tear leaked down from his eye. The silver haired boy wiped it away with the pad of his thumb. "Sora? What's wrong?"

Sora blinked. "I don't know," he admitted.

- - -

_All my memories keep you near/Your silent whispers, silent tears/_

And just like that, Roxas let go. Sora was jolted awake, somehow on the sidewalk outside his house. The sky was dark, mere moments from sunrise. Sora felt lighter, somehow, like a great weight that he hadn't realized was there was lifted from his chest. He went back inside. Once in his room, he found a note, addressed to him and written in his own handwriting. With trembling hands he picked it up and opened it.

Dear Sora,

I'm sorry. I'm letting go. I can't be trapped anymore. Goodbye.

-Roxas

He rushed to the window in time to see streaks of blue and red across the sky. Roxas had found Axel.

_All my memories . . .

* * *

_

**Author's Notes:** Here's another one from my notebook. I put a lot of hard work into this and would love it if you would review. I will reply! If you see any mistakes in the song lyrics, please tell me. I was a stupid head and wrote them down from memory (lol!) after listening to the song a couple times because I didn't have access to a computer at the time. Feel free to give me any comments or suggestions or even just a "lik OMG i ttly luvd it." It's all good. :3


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